Speaking of Psychotics...

At my store we have a small pill box with the Mad Hatter on it that reads 'Meds or Madness' - how cool is that?!? I love the Unemployed Philosophers Guild. There is also one that has Van Gogh on it and reads 'Crazy things can happen when you don't take your meds,' but really I want the Mad Hatter one. It's fabulous. But I suppose I should have expected that from the company that brought us Anti-Establish Mints with the motto "Liberte, Fraternite and Minty Fresh Breath!"

Another Day in the Life

So for those of you unfamiliar with my history of broken-ness, I have this really bad knee. It developped as a result of dancing for years and years and eventually caused me to quit training. Though, on a general basis, it no longer gives me too much trouble, I am the "proud" owner of a knee suffering from patella femoral syndrome, or in laymen's terms, a knee cap that doesn't always stay in its track. It sucks but I survive. Usually....

A couple of weeks ago the weather in Edmonton changed really sharply, going to -35, it seemed, overnight. My knee started to hurt and I grumbled about the fact that apparently I was going to be one of those old people who could tell the change in weather from the ache in their bones. I did all of my usual fix-the-knee stuff, like icing it and taking painkillers and seeing the chiropractor, but nothing helped. It just kept getting more and more painful. Friday night of this past weekend, I really didn't sleep well as I was in so bloody much pain. Come morning I went to work (or "retail hell" as I like to call it during this season of giving and love) where I had to stand all day. But by 2:30, I couldn't decide if I wanted to puke, scream, or pass out from the pain and they sent me home. I tried some more ice and some more painkillers but it was really really bad. So my mother came and picked me up and took me to the Medicenter. After waiting for an hour to see the doctor, he told me, and I quote, "Hmm, your knee hurts. That's wierd." Given my past experiences with doctors telling me the pain was all in my head, it was all I could do not to throttle the man. But he gave me a topical anti-inflammatory cream to put on it and some T3s with codeine and off I went home. Saturday night before I went to bed, I took a T3 and settled down for a lovely, drug-induced sleep. Sadly, it was not to be. I spent the night on the bathroom floor puking and crying and wishing to god that my wonderful boy wasn't there to see me looking so pathetic. But he was and he picked me up and put me back to bed each time, rubbed my back and made soothing "It'll be alright," noises. The drugs finally wore off around 6:30 in the morning and I finally got a couple of hours of sleep.

The next morning, unfortunately, I had to get up to go to rehersal for Gypsy. Now usually under circumstances involving heavy drugs and extreme pain, I would have skipped rehersal but the choreographer was going to be out of town and had asked me to finish teaching the Broadway sequence and I also had the key to the building we were rehearsing in. So on the way there, after drugging myself with regular tylenol, Lori (the other dance captain) and I discussed ways to not injure myself while teaching and figured we had it pretty well set up to be okay. But again unfortunately, the best laid plans and all that, I ended up doing a lot of dancing and oh god oh god the pain. That night, before bed, I took another T3 and tried to go to sleep. As you might have guessed, not so much...

At around 6am Monday morning, I went to the U of A hospital in the hopes of them making it stop. At around 4pm, I was allowed to go home. It was a long day, to say the least... And needless to say, I suspect that I will be steering clear of codeine for a while after this fun fun experience. Which kind of screws me over, actually, since I also can't take NSAIDS (non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs) so when it comes to pain, there's basically nothing I can do to get rid of it. And since this is me we're talking about - as always *grin* - I have this nagging suspicions that pain is not something that's just going away in my life.

And since it's now taken me two days on and off to write this post, I think that I will actually publish it, finish my dinner (yes, I know that's it's almost midnight!) and go curl up in bed with a handsome man who loves me. Night!

One Down...

As of yesterday, I have officially finished my first semester of University, minus the four final exams I have over the next two weeks. And wow, it's been a hell of a couple of months. I don't know where to start honestly; so much of it has been this incredible rollercoaster of emotion that I couldn't really say whether it has been more positive or more negative. So here are some thoughts on the good and on the bad of the past three months...

8 1/2 Things I've Learned That Are Important
1. Random photo shoots are fun and seem to have a magical way of putting a person in a better mood.
2. No matter how old I get, I can still go crying to my mum when life is hard or things aren't working out.
3. "Doom doom doom, doom de doom de doom. Doomey doomey doom, doomey doomey doom. Doom doom doom doom, the end. Ooh! What's this do!?!"
4. Some rules are seriously meant to be broken. Especially when they concern amazing affectionate followers.
5. I always get so worried about potentially bad situations but people seem to be remarkably good at reacting better than I expect them to. It's kind of cool not to always be disappointed in people.
6. I enjoy the ability to be a social chameleon. It's neat to always be able to have a conversation with someone even if you really have nothing in common.
7. My family, biological and chosen, continues to become infinitely cooler as I get older. Who knew that I could have long arguments/conversations with my father about the Eugenics Board of Alberta and enjoy it? Or take the younger siblings out for lunch and feel special? Or be the "cool" auntie? I'm really enjoying being an adult in my family.
8. Some people love me despite my broken-ness or sometimes, I think, maybe because of it. They don't expect me to be perfect, even if I expect it of myself. It's a strange feeling hearing that the things you hate about yourself are things that make you endearing to others, but it's kind of neat sometimes. Sometimes it's annoying but, really, what isn't?
and a 1/2. There is so much good music in the world that I have never heard. I love it when people pass me along songs or artists they think I'd like.


8 1/2 Things I've Learned That Have Sucked
1. Trying to learn a language that is written with characters and goes from right to left from someone who is not a language teacher seriously blows. Other than discovering how to write Pixie in Persian, I honestly don't feel I came out of that class with anything.
2. Being alone is lonely. Go figure.
3. There are a huge number of stupid people in the world! I mean, seriously there are just way more people in this world who cause me to think "Isn't it too bad stupidity isn't painful?" than I ever expected. And yikes, do I have ever have a low tolerance level for stupidity!
4. Speaking of low tolerance levels... I have come to the conclusion and accept that I am obviously a snob in that I expect that university-level english classes should be taught by people who have a solid grasp of the english language. Not people who misspell, at minimum, a third of the words they write on the board. Grrr...
5. Stairs are bloody painful somedays and they seem to be everywhere. I have a new respect for people who have to use elevators everyday.
6. I read many many less books while in school. Very sad.
7. Sometimes the right decisions are the hardest ones to make.
8. And on that same note, letting go can be the most painful feeling in the world. I hate feeling like I've failed or given up on something or someone. I hate it when I finally have to admit that maybe I'm not who people want/need me to be and they're better off without me. I hate feeling as though years of friendships have just slipped away without us noticing, or if we did, being able to stop it. I realize that things change and that's the way of the universe and whatnot, but turning your back on huge parts of your old life can be really difficult sometimes.
and a 1/2. Life costs money - okay, I knew that already but it still sucks...

Eat Your Heart Out

It's the best damn quiz ever. Come on, I dare you...