Aruba, Jamaica, Oooh I Wanna Take You

In Which Pixie and Star Are Either Very Very Foolish Or Very Very Brave Or Both But Either Way Are Being Spontaneous:

On November 2nd, at 1:30 in the morning (gah!), Star and I will be getting on a plan and flying to Bermuda, via Toronto for five days of Capoeira and sunshine. Ahhh!! I'm pretty sure we still don't have babysitting for all the kids, and I have to find someone to take notes for me in Poli Sci but oh my god, it'll be worth it. Did I mention the sunshine? And beautiful black Capoeiristas with dreads... It's good to be single ;) As Star so lovingly pointed out, "Reni immigrated for Justine." Sigh. I am mostly enjoying being single these days though. Minus Sunday night when I was very sick and came to the realization that no one should ever have to clean up their own puke. It's just unfair! All I wanted was someone to curl up next to me, ignoring the fact that I was shaking in a cold sweat, pet my hair and tell me it'd pass. But instead, I curled up with my teddy bear and cried. A lot. I hate throwing up. Ironic, yes, but there it is.

Anyways, I have studying to do so I pass my midterms so I won't feel guilty about jetting off to Bermuda for five days. Adeus!

Sometimes Mundane Is All I've Got

I love my bus driver. This morning when I got on the bus, he smiled and said, "Haven't seen you for a while." I nodded, "Yup, been pretty busy." He laughed, "How is school going?" I shrugged, "Kind of stressful. I had two midterms last week and three next week." And then, proving that he is cool for once and for all, my driver responded with, "Hmm, sucks to be you." But school isn't so bad, truth be told. I didn't do quite as well on my Sociology midterm as I would have liked - it wasn't a bad mark, per say, just not as good as I expect of myself - and we haven't gotten the marks back for Poli Sci yet. Next week is English on Monday, Religion on Friday and a take-home Persian exam all week. I'm working really hard at not letting myself get freaked out but I'll admit that I do feel the beginnings of a panic attack sitting quietly in my chest. Eeek!

Rehersals for Gypsy are finally starting regularily for the chorus. I have six lines! I feel so special. In Oliver the only thing I got to say was, "They're stale!" Really when you add to this the fact that I have a solo song, it's a hell of a step up. The people in the cast are really cool too and I'm having fun hanging out with them. All in all, I think it'll be a good time.

And in other news, my feet hurt. I've been going to Capoeira once a week for the past while and I'm not exaggerating when I say that large chunks of the soles of my feet are missing. It's remarkably painful, shockingly. Who knew... But I'm having an awesome time, in a completely masochistic way. And apparently Reni even said I was doing 'good' the other day. A compliment! From Reni! I'm in shock.

Last thought of the day - really, I plan to go back to work after this and I truly don't need my brain for that - I've been listening to a lot of CBC Radio One these days and have found that I quite enjoy it. 'Dead Dog in the City' and 'The Vinyl Cafe' are my favourite programs, to be sure, but with the exception of 'Wild Rose Country' there isn't anything that really bugs me enough to change stations. Maybe I'm just becoming my mother but I really do enjoy it a lot more than the general FM stations currently. Yes they're boppy and dance-able but this way I actually feel like my brain is being used.

So remember, "Stay Calm, Be Brave, and Wait for the Signs."

Tell Me A Story About Giant Pigs

I've been trying to write a post for days, something about the exciting bits of my weekend and the fact that I finished my two hardest midterms and that my feet were completely wrecked from Capoeira. Something smilely about not going to bed until 5am or a rant about stupid disorganized theater people or a thank you note to Trixie who called at exactly the right time without even knowing it. You know, some part of my life that isn't the heartbreak of having been apart from Rob for six months and knowing that that isn't going to change, or the incredible sadness that sits in my chest when I think about the fact that I can't make a relationship work. Some inspirational outlook on life like, "We are explorers on the road of life. You can't expect there to be hot and cold running water at all the stops along the way," (Glen Huser, Skinnybones & the Wrinkle Queen). Or even just a squee about the fact that I now have seasons one and two of INVADER ZIM care of one fabulous new friend. But I have been severely lacking in inspiration. Or motivation. Or somthing else useful like that. Somehow everytime I sit down to write I get about a sentence out before I go all little plastic castle and then it's just a lost cause. I mean well, honest, I just appear to have no brain. Maybe it's the fact that I need to dye my hair again or that I just haven't been getting enough sleep lately. I suppose it could have something to do with overscheduling my self constantly or the large amounts of caffeine that I've been ingesting. And there's always a distinct possibility that I'm just crazy. Yea, that's probably it. Ah well, back to the fishbowl...

Baa

Every once in a while - like when I'm sick, cranky and avoiding studying - it's very easy to coherce me into doing something. Like this stupid meme James sent my way. Enjoy, or something like that....

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List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether or not they have words, or even if they’re not any good, but the must be songs you’re really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they’re listening to.

1. Congratulations by Blue October

2. Swing Life Away by Rise Against

3. Theme song from Amelie

4. Holy Water by Big and Rich

5. Malachy by the Irish Descendants

6. Tangled Up In Me by Skye Sweetnam

7. I Write Sins Not Tragedies by Panic at the Disco

Fragile Things

So this is what a broken heart feels like... I had forgotten.

If there was a chance for redemption, a point at which I could have saved this, I just missed the exit. But worse than that, was I didn't just miss it. I looked at it, laughed and then drove myself straight off the cliff.

And now it's a free fall. A cold, shaking, puffy-eyed, hard to breathe, aching body, running nose, pounding chest kind of free fall. The kind that leaves you praying that you'll hit bottom soon because that would hurt less than this does. The kind that you ought to reach out from, grab onto the branches that are the people that love you as you rush past but you don't want to drag them down with. And more importantly, you don't want them to stop your fall. Because living through this would be a hell of a lot worse than just crashing. Call it cowardice, I don't care anymore. I'm done with this.

I used to have this great philosophy about love: "Being in love was like China: you knew it was there, and no doubt it was very interesting, and some people went there, but I never would. I'd spend all my life without ever going to China, but it wouldn't matter, because there was all the rest of the world to visit." (Philip Pullman)

Back to the beginning...