Beef For Breakfast

So today I had another taste-testing panel Downtown, this time for Beef Steaks. They were tasty, on the whole. Some were a little chewy but I guess that's why they do these tests. But the test started at 10am so I was home by 11 and now I have my whole day stretching out before me. I'm thinking some reading (The World Is Flat by Thomas Friedman), making working on putting my desk together, and definately laundry. Plus I have a chiro appointment later this afternoon so I figure I've got a full day ahead of me. But a nice relaxing full day - yay for days off.

Yesterday was our Louis Sachar event at work and it was fabulous. I went out for lunch with him and a group of Edmonton booksellers at Sorrentino's which was delicious and stuffing. He answered lots of questions and just talked with all of us and signed our books and you know, just relaxed. It was also cool because I got to chat with people from Coles and Random House and Audrey's and whatnot. I felt like I really was an important person at Greenwoods'. It was cool. Then it was back to the store for several hours of boring work, like catalogue entry, and then we did set-up for the event. Lots of people showed up and at 7:30 we started the reading. He read for a bit from his new book "Small Steps" and then answered all these kids' questions, no matter how silly they were. And the whole time he just projected this feeling of friendliness and kindness. After they kids ran out of questions, he signed books for about 45 minutes and then all the little kiddies went home to bed. I talked for a long time with the publicist about books and trying to keep up with the new releases which was nice and at the end of the evening, she took a picture of me with Mr. Sachar (which I will probably post at some point). By the time they left, I was dead tired so my co-workers sent me home, where I fell asleep very quickly.

Which brings me to this morning when I woke up from the nicest dream. I don't remember everything from it but what I remember is that when I woke up, I had that warm, new love kind of feeling in my chest. You know the one, when you've just met someone or just started dating someone, and just being around them leaves you feeling... fuzzy. I very rarely dream about real life people which leads me to suspect this was just another figment of my imagination but it left me all smiles this morning. I love that feeling, really. I like feeling nervous and uncertain about a relationship, when your heart skips a little when you walk into the same room as them, and your palms get sweaty. When you can't wait to see them again, ten minutes after you say goodbye. It's like a drug, a rush of adrenaline. Maybe that's why people have affairs - they're desperately trying to recapture that feeling. I can't say that I really blame them for wanting to. As much as I love being in a commited, safe, long-term relationship, sometimes I just want to wander off with the next guy to smile at me. Maybe that sounds stupid but I don't really care, honestly. Occasionally I think about the fact that I'm only twenty and I've already given up that part of life and it freaks me out. I want to experience more, to learn more, and to see more. Don't get me wrong, I love Rob, passionately, and he is the most important person in my life, but somedays... well it's nice to daydream. Or nightdream, as the case may be.

"Darn that dream
And bless it too,
Without that dream,
I would never have had you."

Under Construction

I'm sitting cross-legged on the floor of my office, with my computer on the ground. I just finished dismantaling my desk (with Rob's help) and the room is in a state of vaguely organized chaos. I hate messes. But I suppose that when one undertakes a renovation project, one has to suck up a little bit of mess - and I don't just mean the vacumning. But the dust everywhere is really messing with my allergies so I may have to break for the night. Next step: build a desk, figure out how to hook computer up on it while unplugging the least amount of things, refill desk with boxes of crap and organize them, gloat. Rob's all upset with me that I won't let him build the desk but this is my birthday present/project and I want to do it myself. I suspect this will probably have disastrous consequences but I'm determined to try.

Speaking of things likely to have disastrous consequences, I now have a fish. His name is Splish. Splish the Fish. He is a mostly blue Betta fish and he was the centerpiece at Rob's sister's wedding. And, oh so lucky me, I won the prize of getting to bring him home. He hasn't died yet so I figure I'm doing okay. My mum dropped off my old fish tank today so I may transfer him into that from his current vase. I took a picture of him to show but don't feel like transferring the photos from my camera currently. At some point, there will be wedding pictures, possibly even of me in a fancy dress.

And one last thought: Johnny Depp's new movie "Libertine" is remarkably phallic. That being said, if you enjoy R-rated artsy movies, go see it, it was beautiful. But don't claim that no one warned you...

Man Walks Into A Bar - Ow

Of course, in this case it was a girl and a pole but it was the same basic idea. And it hurt. I'm not actually a total git, in my own defense I couldn't see it. Granted that was because I was holding a folder up in front of my face to block the wind. But who the hell puts a lamp post in the middle of the freakin sidewalk!! Anyways, I felt stupid and now I have a headache and a slightly sore elbow. Brilliance, as always, Is Us.

I was walking home from my audition, in case anyway was wondering. It went quite well but I really don't expect to get into the show as the cast consists of eight people of which only one, well two if you stretch it, are female. But it was nice to feel like I was getting back into the swing of things and I saw some people I knew from other shows which was cool. After as I was leaving, Martin, the director, gave me a big hug and asked if I was back for good now. It felt nice to be remembered and asked after. I should hear back from them tommorow or Wednesday either way. I'll keep y'all posted.

Other than that, life consists mostly of work, of sleep and of puttering around with friends. Yesterday, Star and Myrna and I wandered about the Bay and Sears looking at pretty dresses and in the evening I got to play my new, fabulous character in Star's tabletop story. And even though the rest of the characters will be leaving her country soon (she was only meant to be a temporary character), we figured out ways to have her go with them. Yay! Oh, and speaking of work - Louis Sachar is coming to my store on the 27th on March. Which, I must say, I am very excited about. I grew up reading his "Wayside School" books and loved them because they did math wierd. Most people, I guess, know him as the author of "Holes" though, which, I also hear, was made into a bad Disney movie. Anyways, if anyone is interested in coming it is March 27th at 7:30pm and I will be there (working, but there nonetheless). And that about sums up my life. Although, I have just recently been informed that Ani DiFranco (*melt*) is going to be at the Winspear at the end of July so I now must figure out how to come up with the money for, and get, tickets. And on that note, goodnight...

i am looking for the holes
the holes in your jeans
because i want to know
are they worn out in the seat
or are they worn out in the knees

there are so many ways to wear
what we have before it's gone
to make use of what is there
you know i don't wear anything i can't wipe my hands on

Lost Book

While cleaning through my bookshelves yesterday I discovered that I had two copies of Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card - one filed under Scott and the other under Card. Now, I'm pretty sure I only bought one copy of this book (at a Con in Calgary) so I was a little confused to find a duplicate. Does anyone who reads this find that they are missing such a book that you may have leant to me? I'd hate to give it away if already belongs to someone, but maybe I was just so lacking in a decent memory that I bought two copies. I guess I'll ask around some more and wait and see before I find it a new home. Just email me or post a comment if you have any thoughts on the matter.

Confession of an Addict

I should be updating my blog with all the exciting things that have happened in my life lately (it would be a short post) or the interesting conversations I've had with people or how much I loved Battlestar Galactica, which I just finished on DVD. But, instead I am ignoring you all for Advanced Reader Copy (ARC) of Charles DeLint's newest book Widdershins. It's wonderful - I can't put it down. The only reason this post is actually going up is I just got home from shopping with Star and haven't started reading again yet. That being said, tonight I'm going to the Citadel to see Guys and Dolls so I guess I'll have to put it down for another few hours. Luckily, I'm not working tommorow. I anticipate being done the book before dinnertime. Until then...

Happy Birthday To Me

All things considered, I actually had a remarkably happy birthday this year for which I am extremely grateful. Not many people can say that on their birthday they received an international phone call (my WDT family on tour in Venezuela all pitched in to buy an international phone card which had 6 minutes on it and quickly passed the phone around so they could all talk to me), an out-of-province phone call (from their best friend who then let her roommates steal the phone to say hello as well), a rousing rendition of 'Happy Birthday' sung by sugar-high friends at an amazing fondue birthday party, a very large gift certificate for new clothes (that are neither from thrift stores nor hand-me-downs), another large gift certificate for IKEA (nominally for a bookshelf but likely to be put towards a nice corner desk instead), and a pre-built bookshelf (so I don't have to cull my collection). I feel really blessed today. Granted, there were a few negative things like being woken up at 6:15 just so Rob could say Happy Birthday before leaving for work, and missing Bee's phone call, not to mention the 2-hour grocery shopping trip on my own, but truthfully I really enjoyed my day. I was expecting my birthday to be depressing and miserable this year and I'm really glad that I can say I was wrong. Maybe the trick to enjoy yourself is having no expectations, or worse really low expectations. But whatever the case may be, I'm going to bed happy tonight and that alone means the world to me.

Squeaky Floors

My brother is playing Dance Dance Revolution of some variety upstairs and the floor is being remarkably noisy. It sort of feels like it's about to collapse on my head. Which, as you can imagine, is a little disconcerting. But it did look like it might be sort of fun to attempt so I may have to pull it out sometime this week and give it a shot. When, of course, nobody is home to watch me make a fool out of myself...

I went to the Jubilee with my parents last night to watch my sister (Squirt) perform in a fundraiser for the 'Kids with Cancer' society. It was an entire show of dance and as beautiful as it was, it made me very sad. I miss dancing. I mean, I miss traditional ballet dancing and training at the dance school and going to competitions, but I also miss Wildfire dancing. And I miss doing shows and having choreographed numbers. And I miss teaching little kids to dance. I feel like I've drifted so far away from performing and I really truly regret that. Performing, being on stage, makes me happy. It's a lot of heartache usually and I get annoyed with the people, the politics and the circumstances often, but in the end being on stage makes me feel so much more alive. These days I kind of feel like I'm just going through the motions of a normal life. Nothing is really terribly exciting or inspiring. I go to work, I sleep, I watch tv, I read. I visit friends sometimes but it's all very mundane. When did I become a mundane? And how do I fix that? During Wildfire I would tell stories to Alyssa about my crazy adventures back home and know it seems like those happened to somebody else. Does "getting better" mean that you have to give up your fire or is it possible to walk the very fine line that is sanity?

How Low Can You Go?

I can't believe I'm actually doing this but a bunch of people have been bugging me about what I want for my birthday so I'm giving in. The truth is I want to forget about my birthday completely as it only serves as a reminder to everyone around me of how much younger I am, but since other people seem determined to remember it, these are things that would make me happy to receive as presents:

A rice cooker (like Star's)

Gift certificates for Staples (new pens), somewhere that develops photos (so I can print Wildfire tour photos), or Ikea (I'm saving up for a new bookshelf)

Acoustic guitar lessons