Fragile Things

So this is what a broken heart feels like... I had forgotten.

If there was a chance for redemption, a point at which I could have saved this, I just missed the exit. But worse than that, was I didn't just miss it. I looked at it, laughed and then drove myself straight off the cliff.

And now it's a free fall. A cold, shaking, puffy-eyed, hard to breathe, aching body, running nose, pounding chest kind of free fall. The kind that leaves you praying that you'll hit bottom soon because that would hurt less than this does. The kind that you ought to reach out from, grab onto the branches that are the people that love you as you rush past but you don't want to drag them down with. And more importantly, you don't want them to stop your fall. Because living through this would be a hell of a lot worse than just crashing. Call it cowardice, I don't care anymore. I'm done with this.

I used to have this great philosophy about love: "Being in love was like China: you knew it was there, and no doubt it was very interesting, and some people went there, but I never would. I'd spend all my life without ever going to China, but it wouldn't matter, because there was all the rest of the world to visit." (Philip Pullman)

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