It's hard to believe it, but this has been my best Christmas ever. I've never felt so happy around Christmas; so willing to socialize; wanting to give gifts to my friends, and thrilled at every little thing I received. It's an amazing feeling. I got to spend the whole weekend with my ever wonderful boyfriend, and didn't even die of fright when meeting his father for Christmas dinner. I wanted to, but I didn't. I wish that I could pass this feeling on to all of you, this Christmas. I wish everyone could have the same warm, fuzzy feeling inside, and be happy with their lives. This is a new kind of feeling for me... and I think, I kind of like it.

Highlight of Christmas '04 - A brief list by Pixie
1. Rob bought me the plaid corset/shirt from the Scottish Imports Store, that I have been eyeing for MONTHS now. And without me ever even getting a hint of what was going on. I was absolutely shocked. Thrilled, but shocked.
2. My boss bought me a little miniature Christmas tree for my bedroom, after I told her about Marc's dislike of Christmas, and refusal to let us decorate the house.
3. Dan bought me a hedgehog!! Currently he's only a stuffed one, but it came with the promise of a real one as soon as I have somwhere to keep him. Yay! Maurice is finally going to be mine.
4. I got presents at Rob's parent's house - a new scarf and mittens. I felt all included.
5. Friends and Fiends Party, the Pixie scarf, and dice pyjamas.
6. All the presents I got for people were given out (minus Haley), and loved. Nobody looked at me like I was crazy for getting them their whatever. Go me - I have an almost functioning brain.
7. Playing board games with Rob's family and discovering that they are all equally competitive, geeky, and fun to be with.
8. My parents bought me The 10th Kingdom on dvd - something I've been trying to find for a couple years now. Here's to six hour long mini-serieses.
and a 1/2. My grandmother packaged up and sent me all of her single earrings. Further proof that my grandparents do notice my existence, and observe more than just my mistakes.

Also an honourable mention should go out to my parents for including Rob so willingly into our Christmas traditions. Having them include him, and getting to know him was one of the best feelings I've ever had. It overjoyed me that they were so willing to accept someone that I had made a part of my life. They didn't leave him out of anything - even the mocking. Everything felt... right.

Well, that's all for now. Back to Gilmore Girls. Merry Christmas everyone. I really hope it was.

Meme - A Year in Reflection

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
... Yes.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't think I've ever made a New year's Resolution, much less cared about keeping it.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Raven had the cutest little parasite.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Luke, Amanda and Steph.. it was kind of a bad year

5. What countries did you visit?
n/a

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
Well for most of 2004 I lacked both a serious relationship and sanity, and I'm kind of hoping those two things will stick around for 2005.

7. What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Opening night of Chorus Line, and August 28th.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Not quitting Chorus Line.

9. What was your biggest failure?
School.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Did I not suffer would probably be a better question. I live in a state of perpetual sickness and/or injury.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Probably new books.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My mother.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Bush.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Coffee, groceries, rent.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Getting into Chorus Line, getting into Vagina Monologues, and Rob

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
Mmmm.... Avenue Q and Wicked, I guess, as I just discovered them this year.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder?
Happier. Definately happier.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Spending time with my Park friends after I moved out.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Procrastinating.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Christmas Eve and Morning at my parents' house, and Christmas Afternoon/Dinner with Rob's parents.

21. How will you be spending New Years?
Either at Chrissy and Lorne's, or Anne and Janet's, I suspect.

22. Did you fall in love in 2004?
Yes.

23. How many one-night stands?
Turns out, one. But that was not my fault, nor my intention.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
West Wing. Buffy.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
David. But I didn't know him this time last year, so it makes it harder to have hated him then.

26. What was the best book you read?
Impossible to choose. Recently the best book I read was the Bookseller of Kabul, but seriously, it's been a year. Do you know how many books I can read in a year??

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Wicked and Avenue Q.

28. What did you want and get?
To attend Ainlay this year.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Probably Finding Neverland, but who knows really.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was eighteen, and I went out to the Roost a couple days later with my friends, to dance the night away.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Less psychotic episodes.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
I wouldn't.

34. What kept you sane?
My little green pills.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I say 'gah!' to you.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Bush's re-election, gay marriage, war in Iraq...

37. Who did you miss?
A lot of people at different times.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Well Rob, for sure, but also his group of friends have been pretty cool to meet.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004.
The proper pills make life immensely better. Be willing to experiment until you are happy.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"Those who don't try, never look foolish..."

I've never really been one to worry about changing with an open window in the room. Afterall, I grew up on an acreage, where there was no way anyway was going to be looking in through my window, and plus, I have no modesty. And other than one incident at Star's house, this has never proven to be a problem for me. In my house now, my room is in the basement, so I still don't worry about it - the window is at ground level, so I figure anyone looking through it has other problems that need to be dealt with.

So tonight, I was getting changed for the Christmas party and Steph and Trent's. I was walking over to the other side of my room to get my shirt, wearing only my bra. I glanced up at the window, for no particular reason, and the two dogs from next door (totally evil little yappy terriers) were sitting in their living room window, staring at our house. I assume one of my cats was upstairs in the window that faces it, but it was still very creepy. They looked like they were plotting against me - "Hmm, an unsuspecting human. Let us sneak up, and attack her. Mwahahaha." I hate dogs.

***

The other morning my cats tried a new technique for waking me up. Usually, they come and scratch at my door, meowing until either they get bored, or I give in. Well, when this didn't work for them the other day, and I was the one who was going to be feeding them, they took on a new approach. Namely, the run-at-the-door-and-slam-into-it-until-we-get-it-open technique. My cats are too clever for their own good.

***

My new shirt is apparently not red - it is burgundy. Either way though, it looks fantastic and I'm thrilled with it. Maybe I'll be able to get a picture in it that I can put up. It's soooo pretty. Thank you Starlin'. Okay, going to the party now...

My knees are acting up. I am in pain. Ouch.

For those of you not familiar with the saga that is Pixie's knees... well, quite honestly, I have no inclination to tell the whole story again, suffice to say, I have bad knees, that cause me a lot of pain, due to a condition called petello-femeural syndrome. And yes, I'm sure I spelt that wrong. So sue me.

Other than the knees, my life has been fairly uneventful of late. Today was last day of classes before the break, thereby ushering in two weeks of, almost, full-time work at the bookstore. I'm thrilled. It may not sound like I am, but that's just because I'm tired and in pain. I really am quite thrilled.

Things I'm not thrilled about include my bloody Marx bio that's due on Jan 10, that I haven't particularily worked on yet; the state of bedroom; and that I have so many books fantastic books sitting in my room, wanting to be read, and not having the time to do so.

Lord, this is a very mundane type of post. I'm just going to stop typing now, so as to save my readers from dying of boredom. Sorry cyberspace - I promise to be insightful tommorow...

Reading a very interesting book called An Equal Music by Vikram Seth, that got me seriously thinking about marriage and polygamy and love.

See, Julia loves Michael - she really does. That whole 'can't eat, can't sleep, with all my heart' kind of love. But she's married to James. And that in itself wouldn't have been the hugest issue, but they have a son - Luke. And thus the drama begins. What does she do? She loves James, for sure, and her son very much, but she's still in love with Michael; possibly ever more than she is in love with James.

And that's what gets me about marriage. How can you possibly say "I will never love anyone else." You can say "I will love you forever," and mean it. And love them everyday day from now until you die, but how can you say that you'll never love anyone else. How can you know that? We have no control over who we fall in or out of love with. We control who we show such love to, but not how we feel. And if you choose just to never acknowledge love for someone else, you're doomed to heartache, and guilt, and pain, and anger, and all that other fun stuff. Which brings me to the topic of polygamy. Maybe that is the way to go. Afterall, then you can love more than one person, right? But that doesn't work either. I've never seen one couple (trio, quartet, whatever) who it's worked for. Because eventually, someone will grow tired of being second best.

Everyone wants to be the most important person in the world to someone. Nobody wants to be second best. I've been there. It was an awful feeling, knowing that there would always be someone that came before me, no matter what I did, or said, or felt. And so the groups will break, back into duos, or maybe even singles.

Who are we to dictate who we are allowed to love, and how many people we are allowed to love? I know it sounds strange, but I'm not actually advocating making polygamy legal or anything like that. It's just... I don't understand how people can say, "I'll never love anyone else" and be believed. That isn't an option. The human condition is to love. Love is the only thing keeping this fragile, breaking human race from complete destroying ourselves. So how can we make such arbitrary statements, and choices?

So what's a person to do? Stay single, loving who he or she pleases, when he or she pleases? Or commit to one person, and hope that no one else comes along? Or commit to more than one person, and divide your love amongst them? Or renounce the entire idea of love, and live alone in a cave somewhere?

All the options have been tried time, and time again, and nothing ever works. So what's the next option, huh? Where do we go from here? Where will this all end? And will we be able to keep loving and living throughout it all?

I'm just a Pixie. I don't have the answers.

I'm starting to be able to get around my house in the complete dark. Yay. I think that's the true sign of home - you can walk around with no light, and not kill yourself. Unless of course somebody has moved something, or put a bicycle in front of your door. No Marc, no hard feelings about that one.

Last night at BPs, I was aksed what I was planning to write about on my blog today. I replied that I would figure that out when it came to me on the bus this morning. Unfortunately, my entire bus ride this morning was thinking up nasty names for the idiot of a bus driver who was ten minutes late, causing me to end up about 20 minutes late for classes. Grrr.

I was also impressed last night that within the first five minutes of me talking with Anne, she managed to work both the words "poops" and "shithouse" into the conversation. Anne, you have a gift. It's a rare talent.

I was also asked last night if I was in rehersals for any shows currently. And, in fact, I will be soon. Rehersals for The Vagina Monologues begin in January, and the show goes up on February 14th. It's a one-shot thing, so if you want to come, it's going to have to be that night. I would encourage you all to come - and not just because I like having my own private fan club - but because the content of the show is amazing. If you've never read the V-Monolouges, you have no idea of what you are missing. You will literally laugh so hard your stomach muscles will hurt, and you will cry at the absolute brutality of war crimes. You will empathize with certain stories, and others will just leave you gazing in amazement. Plus, you get to hear your favourite Pixie talk about vaginas, on stage, in a British accent. What's not to love?

Well that's all my time for today. My break is up and I must back to the horrors of classes. Only one more today, and then I get to go to the bookstore. Mmmm, books... Happy thoughts....

***

Home now, and since it's still the same day, I'm just going to continue on this post. Whee. So I, perhaps foolishly, went shopping this afternoon. Without going home first, it should be mentioned. Oh my god my shoulders hurt! Stupid, bloody, heavy, text-book filled, falling apart backpack. Sigh. That wasn't smart, was it? I didn't think so. On the plus side, I got the last part of Rob's bday present, my sister's Christmas present, the Secret Santa present for the party on the 18th (and oooh, it's pretty - thanks going out to Shae for helping me find it), and something for Anne, because.. it was just meant to be. Tired now. Going to go lie in front on the tv and watch Buffy. Maybe I'll be productive and wrap presents... maybe I've been productive enough for one day. No, must work on Marx bio tonight *whip* Blah. I'm tired. I feel as though I need to be rescued from the incredible mundane-ness that my life is becoming. It's kind of scary. Family photos tommorow morning. Ugh. Familial torture - the worst kind, because it's hard to say no to your mother. Right, leaving again now. So.... tired....

Since several people have been asking me what I want to get for Christmas, I have finally sat down, thought about it, and written it done. I figured I'd put it up here so nobody else need bother with asking me, and so that you can ignore it at will. All I ask is please no more jewellery (I likely won't wear it) or scented stuff (bath/shower gels, perfume, candles) as I tend to react badly to some of those smells. If you have any questions, you know where to find me. Otherwise, I bid you, adieu.

Things That Would Thrill Me If Received For Christmas - A List By Pixie
(in no particular order)
- getting my nose pierced
- digital camera
- hiking boots or a new pair of runners
- jean jacket (would be perfectly happy with one from Value Village, or the such)
- fun underwear or socks
- musical soundtracks or videos
- 'The 10th Kingdom' on dvd
- any of the 'West Wing' seasons on dvd
- books
- coffee
- stamps and/or envelopes of various sizes
- a top hat
- hair colouring and/or cutting (does not have to be professional)
- a new backpack
- fitted-ish dress shirts of colours other than white, but not purple (aka red, blue, green, striped, plaid, whatever!)

Why? Why would I talk about my extra-maritial affairs on my weblog?

Random Thoughts From A Cold, Sick Wednesday:
- Who the hell came up with the concept of anal sex? Seriously. I mean, who thinks about those kind of things? Or was it a mistake? A "Whoops, I slipped, but that seems to have worked out okay" kind of thing? Was it a straight person, or a gay person? Hmm...

- Hey you! Annoying girl on the bus! Who exactly gave you permission to play your discman so loudly that I, despite being at the other end of the bus, was subjected to crappy rap music? If I can hear every word, and every note from where I'm sitting, I hate to think what its doing to your ears. Maybe it's melting your brain. That might explain your fashion choices...

- Went to deliver my roommate her mail, and found her boyfriend in her bed. She's not home. Odd moment.

- Writing about your feelings can be very relaxing sometimes. Having someone read it, not so much.

- Went to see 'Our Town' with Bailey, Adam and Rob last night. It was fun. Bailey and I recited our parts along with the actors and giggled over little things from our production of it. They were really good, except the Stage Manager (my part) screwed up a couple of my favourite lines which made me sad. Adam didn't seem to enjoy it all that much, claiming not to be a 'play person.' Why the hell are you dating Bailey then, boy? Rob, on the other hand, quite enjoyed it which made me happy. Yay for a boy who actually shares my interests, and is willing to deal with crazy theater me.

- Mum's birthday present - check. Dan's birthday present - check. Rob's birthday present - close to a check. Christmas presents - still screwed.

- People should comment more often. And also some people should update their blogs more often. Lollybloggers.

- It has officially been three days since I mailed my application. I wonder if it's there yet...