Red-Headed Pixie



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Wednesday, October 29, 2003


She made me a promise - well not quite a promise, but sort of - and I'm going to hold her to it. "I'm done with this shit for a while, and hopefully it lasts."

I agree. I hope it lasts. I want her to be happy and healthy, and have faith in herself. I want her to be able to live a life, living out the amazing talent and potential that she has. And I don't want her to always feel that she is the one who is wrong.

I'm scared to lose her. But, I have to have faith. Faith that she will keep her promise, and faith that she will remember that I'm always here for her. Faith, that she'll call first.

Because... I don't want to say goodbye.

posted by Pixie at 11:17 PM




Saturday, October 25, 2003


It seems very wierd to have not posted anything since *gasp* Monday. But the truth is that I have not been writing as much on here, because the things I want to talk about are not public topics of conversation, so I write on my private blog instead. It's funny, I've always promised myself that I wouldn't censor my blog, but in my view this isn't censoring it - I just don't want to talk about 'stuff' with everyone. You know?

So, I decided I ought to update my blog, and let people who I don't see everyday know what was happening in my life. It's not terribly exciting, but I'm sure you'll all deal.

*happiness*
1. Yay for girl's night out last night - mmmm New Asian Village food so tasty. And freaking out that waitress. 'Twas excellent. And so very much chai. Ah, the chai-goodness of it all. Oh, and talking about hot wild trapeeze monkey sex as though it were a normal topic of conversation, like the weather, and freaking the mundanes next to us.
2. Yay for Angel's game being tonight. Whee!
3. Yay for finally deciding what I am going to do with my Mini Imagination classes for the final show.
4. Yay for staying out late with friends just "talking."
5. Yay for wierd and wonderful dreams last night - not that I can remember a lot about them, but I remember that they were wierd and wonderful.
6. Yay for my cool Halloween costume. It isn't done yet, but I'm very proud of myself, being that /I'm/ actually making it. Which involves sewing, and lots of it.
7. Yay for long, deep conversations with Raven, to and from New Asian Village. Thanks for listening, babe.
8. Yay for good music - best way to wake you up in the morning. "Girls they wanna have fun, Girls they just wanna have fun."
and a 1/2. Yay for finally getting tickets for opening night for Oliver!

*boo-ness*
1. Boo for not having the money to buy new, or even secondhand, books right now.
2. Boo for being up this early - blah :P
3. Boo for finishing my uber cool book - Pashazade by Jon Courtenay Grimwood
4. Boo for accidently dying my white shirt blue (luckily bleach works wonders)
5. Boo for all the leaves falling off the trees. The world looks so ... dead.
6. Boo for having a yearbook which has no signatures in it.
7. Boo for MATH! Blargh, I hate it.
8. Boo for being torn on what to do over Theater of the Absurd. I really need to decide that before Monday...
and a 1/2. Boo for needing new clothes, and having no money to get them.

There, a bit of an update into my life. Whee. Be thrilled.

posted by Pixie at 8:57 AM




Monday, October 20, 2003


I'd like to say thank you to all the people who read my blog. It's nice to know that you all care about the inner workings of my mind, and the anecdotes of my life. I love knowing that people actually read what I write, and that occasionnally it makes them think about life in different ways.

Before I go tonight, I want to leave you all with two bits of song lyrics. The first is from "Maybe This Time" from Cabaret. It technically is about a relationship, but that is not the meaning for me. Draw your own meaning from it. The second is from "Closing Time" by Semisonic. I hope you enjoy them.

Maybe this time, I'll be lucky
Maybe this time, he'll stay
Maybe this time
For the first time
Love won't hurry away
...
Everybody loves a winner
So nobody loved me;
'Lady Peaceful,' 'Lady Happy,'
That's what I long to be
All the odds are in my favor
Something's bound to begin
It's got to happen, happen sometime
Maybe this time I'll win

****

Closing time - open all the doors and let you out into the world
Closing time - turn all the lights on over every boy and every girl
Closing time - one last call for alcohol, so finish your whiskey or beer
Closing time - you don't have to go home but you can't stay here
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
Take me home ...

posted by Pixie at 9:31 PM




Sunday, October 19, 2003


It is quarter to three am. The last party left slightly after 2am. The first group started sometime around 1(ish)pm. I got up at 8am this morning. We ran four groups through. My feet hurt so bad I can barely stand. I'm dusty, dirty, have slivers, blisters, and bruises. We had occasional technical errors, timing errors, and a couple of really annoying party moments. We got cold, tired, and hungry, but kept going.

And yet, despite /all/ of this, it was a blast. An absolute BLAST. I have never had so much fun. And tommorow, I get to do it again. 'Course it'll be easier in some ways (tech stuff, timing, etc) and harder in others (standing up, walking around, etc) but I think that it'll still be amazing.

Kudos to Raven, Eric, and Davyd for organizing a, thus far, succesful and uber-fun quest. Woo.

Going to sleep now. Sleep good. Sooooo good...

posted by Pixie at 1:52 AM




Saturday, October 18, 2003


My goodness! Quest is suppose to be starting, oh 45 mins ago, but the chaos is overwhelming. Eek. I think everything is going to go briiilliantly though. I have the most amazingly cool costume. I would tell more about it but it is entirely possible that there are players who will read this, and then I'd spoil suprises. So, I shall leave, instead, in suspense. Mwahaha. Oh the power.

Lets see, other interesting things to say... I'm going to audition for Jesus Christ Superstar next weekend. That'll be cool. Yay. Happy-ness.

Well, I'm being shuffled off to my place. More later... maybe. Mwahaha

posted by Pixie at 11:48 AM




Tuesday, October 14, 2003


I was updating my quote page, and my quote book today and was wondering just how many quotes had I actually collected. So I counted. And just in my book - 299. Two hundred and ninety-nine quotes. I was blown away. I mean, granted the book is twenty-siz 81/2 by 11 pages long, but still. 299! I couldn't believe it.

I love quotes. I just... adore them. And like my book says right at the beginning "A book of quotations ... can never be complete."

So if you ever run into a quote that you like, or find funny, or makes you think - send it along to me. Join the book. Let it be remembered. Even if was just something someone you know said. You know my email address...


posted by Pixie at 5:01 PM




Monday, October 13, 2003


I am a Internet whore.

I feel so cheap.

I finally gave in and downloaded MSN 6.

I am a slave to the Internet.

posted by Pixie at 10:06 PM








This image first appeared as an Esquire magazine gatefold in June 1942. This was America's first year at war--a time when many young lovers were separated by endless months and thousands of miles. But in love lies hope. Here, Jeanne is holding an orchid, symbolic of young love, in her one hand and a note in her other. Perhaps it is a promise of devotion from her beau overseas. "Jeanne" represents that pure, unfettered moment of wonder when, in love, anything is possible. (Vargas Girls)




posted by Pixie at 9:56 PM




Sunday, October 12, 2003


Ha, Haley and I just finished watching Bend it Like Beckham and it was so absolutely amazing. I will probably drool more over it later, I just wanted to put this quote up....

"Kissing!?! .... A boy?!? .... Me!?! .... Mad, you're all mad!"

posted by Pixie at 9:11 PM




Saturday, October 11, 2003


Not written by me, but oh so pretty. I can't remember if the person who wrote it said I could say who it was, so I won't for now, but may edit that when I am at home and can find the email. Went to see the movie 'Thirteen' last night. No words to describe it really. There's just ... too much, and yet nothing that could be said.


Brotherhood of Wounded Souls

There is no welcome
to this sorry band.
Look about
and find the wounded.

Every soul upon its feet
broken by the world.
Broken home
or abusive past.

Things that should not be,
all this locked into memory
and nightmare.
Silent pain stalking the steps.

Do not come,
do not join.
This brotherhood,
walking wounded to a man.

Enter the fold
only upon need.
See this pain about
and stand, any way possible, not alone.


posted by Pixie at 1:49 PM




Wednesday, October 08, 2003


Wow... lots and lots of changes today. Names changes, format changes, link changes. I figured it was that time, you know? Because the truth of it is, I'm not all that confused anymore. I know who I am, even if I don't like that person every day.

Oh, and my voice is starting to come back yay. And they rejoiced. Quietly though, so as not to lose the precious small amount of voice *grin* I can't wait for Oktoberkwest. Much goodness. Though I still need to go pick up costuming bits. Mwahaha. Oh and Jess, if you haven't registered yet... register! And that goes for anyone else who was planning on going to.

Well that's really all I have to say today. Sorta boring but whatever.

Except for one last thing... just to mysterious.... I came to a realization today about someone, and how I feel about them. Ha, now you all get to wonder who and what that realization was all about. *insert evil laughter here*

posted by Pixie at 9:54 PM




Monday, October 06, 2003


I just hate my sister somedays. It seems like everytime I lend her something, it disappears. Sometimes it's only to her bedroom, or the laundry room, but sometimes it's just.. gone. She lost my $100 jazz runners. I can't believe it! I loved those shoes almost more than my pointe shoes, and anybody who knows me well knows how much I love my pointes. I just... Argh! I try to be the nice big sister, help her out, lend her my stuff when she needs something, and how does she repay me? But not caring enough to return my things. By letting them disappear. Gods of computers! What the hell am I suppose to wear to rehersal tonight? It's not like I have another pair of shoes that I could dance in that have enough support for my foot. I'm just so... *insert angry animal noises here* It's not fair!!!

posted by Pixie at 4:32 PM




Saturday, October 04, 2003


I have such great music in my stereo today. Yay for the Beatles, and yay for my Fade cds. And on that train of thought, song lyrics....

And it feels like a movie
'Cause I've done something heavy
Now I'm all alone and you know I like it
Well I wish I was older
I could hold my liquor
Then I 'd blow your cover instead of my own

'Cause there's nothing I can do
To prove that I still love you
And I think I hear my friends through the walls
I'm gonna fade to black
I think I'm gonna fade to black
I swear to god I'd take it back
But it's just no use what's done is done
I can't blame anyone but me

Everybody's out there without me
They're not even talking about me
Flying out of the city and they don't even miss me

'Cause there's nothing I can do
To prove that I still love you
And I think I hear my friends through the walls
I'm gonna fade to black
I think I'm gonna fade to black
I swear to god I'd take it back
But it's just no use what's done is done
I can't blame anyone but me

Four days in the haze
Of the biggest mistake I've ever made
And now I've got to get out of this place
'Cause everybody knows
Even the ones who don't

Fade to black
I'm gonna fade to black
And take it back
But it's just no use what's done is done
I can't blame anyone but me

I'm gonna fade to black.
(Nina Gordon)



posted by Pixie at 10:58 AM