Small deaths...

"Small deaths," Zoe repeated.
After another long hesitation, she heard Bob sigh. "They're those pivotal moments in a person's life that change it forever: a love affair gone wrong, not getting into the right post-graduate program, stealing a car on a dare and getting caught, that kind of thing. They're the moments that some people brood on forever; right now they could have the most successful marriage or career, but they can't stop thinking about the past, about what might have happened if things had gone differently."
"It sours their success, makes them bitter. And usually it leads to more small deaths: depression, stress, heavy drinking or drug abuse. abusing their spouse or children."
"What are you saying?" Zoe asked, "That a small death's like disappointment?"
"More like a pain, a sorrow, an anger. It doesn't have to be something you do to yourself. Maybe one of your parents died when you were just a kid, or you were abused as a child; that kind of trauma changes a person forever. You can't go through such an experience and grow up to be the same person you would have been without it."
-- Charles DeLint (Small Deaths)