There is so much tonight that I wish I could talk about, but I find myself censoring my thoughts so as not to hurt the people around me. Some of you reading this will understand without me having to say, what I am talking about. Others will not. For those of you that do, I'm so so sorry. For those of you who don't, I'm sorry, but for entirely different reasons.

I was always intrigued by the quote from Buffy, "Death is your gift." The implications were endless. I think pain is my gift. It seems to me that no matter what I do, or where I go, I manage to hurt the people around me. Without even trying sometimes. Everything from physically hurting people, to scaring people, to breaking hearts. I don't mean to. And I'm sorry.

I seem to be saying that a lot lately. But I've run out of other words to explain my world. All I can do now is apologize for my madness, and hope that you'll understand, and be able to forgive me. I don't want to hurt people anymore; to push them away. I want to be safe and happy with my friends. Loved and loving. Not the source of pain. It's just too much.

It's all too much.