Pixie-Girl: October 2002

Have you ever felt like all you wanted to do was curl up in the tiniest ball and melt away from the world? Ha, welcome to my life. I have been having the worst few days and I hate it! And since my mum and brother aren't home from the hospital yet, I plan on staying up and writing until they get home.

I'm so confused right now. And I can't even write why cuz I know that people would read it then. And so far only Eir, R.E and "Jen" know and I plan on keeping it that way for as long as I can. But I mean, did you ever think you totally knew what you wanted and then realized you didn't? Or that you had life all figured out and then it was like everything you had EVER known was crumbling beneath you and you couldn't stop it? Or that you spend your whole life pretending to be someone else? There's this line in Singin' in the Rain where Lina says, "Oh Donnie, you couldn't kiss me like that and not mean it even a tiny bit," and Donnie replies, "Meet the best actor in the world." When I heard it the first time I thought it was witty, but now it's taken on a whole new meaning for me. *sigh* I promised myself that I would write everything on my blog but I find that I'm censoring it from myself. God I'm a hopeless mess. Maybe I'll take my mum up on her offer..... But I'm getting off topic... I had a topic? Oh right, masks.... I read the most wonderful poem yesterday:

I keep my paint brush with me
Wherever I may go,
In case I need to cover up
So real me doesn’t show.

I’m afraid to show you me
Afraid of what you'll do.
That you might laugh and say mean things.
I’m afraid I might lose YOU.

I'd like to remove my paint coats,
To show you the real true me.
But I want you to understand
I need YOU to accept what you see.

So if you’ll be patient and close your eyes,
I’ll strip off all my coats real slow.
Please understand how much it hurts,
To let the real me show.

Now my coats are all stripped off,
I feel naked bare and cold.
And if YOU still love me with all that you see,
YOU are my friend, pure as gold

I need to save my paintbrush though,
And hold it in my hand.
I want to keep it handy
In case somebody doesn’t understand.

So please protect me, my dear friend,
And thanks for loving me true.
But please let me keep my paintbrush with me
Until I love me too.

I just seems to describe me so aptly. I wish I could explain more but I don't want anyone to know... I don't even want to know. It's scary.... I think I'm going crazy. Is this what life is suppose to feel like? Cara said she thinks that when we die we just get reborn and keep getting reborn until we get our lives perfect. I could be here a while. I sometimes wonder if anyone else feels like this. I try to put myself into other people's minds, to understand them better, but I can never do it. Do people really think like I do? Feel like I do? If they do I pity them. I wouldn't wish the way I feel upon anyone. Would someone just please tell me what I'm suppose to be doing? Who I'm suppose to be with? How I'm suppose to feel? Because I've tried to figure it out myself and I just can't do it... Please... just tell me what to do... I'm not sure how much longer I can take this.

October 21, 2002

Don't take this the wrong way, *ahem* Haley *ahem, I don't plan on having children, but here are their names:

GIRLS:

Alexandra Star (or Starling)

Michelle Aurora (or Raven)

Melanie Dawn (or Oriole)

BOYS:

Kiel Merlin

Adon Phoenix (or Raven, or Robin, or Osprey)

October 18, 2002

What Kind of Beauty Are You?
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Breezy Beauty - You're a breath of low-mainentance air, aren't you?

Ok, I just found that the most amusing saying ever, "a breath of low-mainentance air". I think I'll call someone that tommorow, "Well aren't you just a breath of low-maintentance air!" Reminds me of, "Why, one day in Blue Mountain, I had 17 gentleman callers." Not a whole lot of people will get that. Haley will, Cara will..... And also, "I decided to buy me, a topless bathing suit." All of the above must, of course, be done with the proper accent though. Teeheehee...

October 16, 2002

What Sign of Affection Are You?
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What Moulin Rouge Character Are You?
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What Element Are You?
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October 15, 2002

Oh... well... Arrogant Worms was sold out. I don't really feel like talking bout it.... I suppose I can catch them next time they come.. years from now probably. But I, guess that is ok.... Life, will probably go on. Yah.... Well, I just don't really feel like writing anything right now. I'm gonna go.... mope.

October 14, 2002

Ok so I would post a nice long blog right now, except that I'm going to teach Haley how to HTML instead. And then we're going to have yummy turkey together. Yay for best friends!!!

Haley says "Yay for turkey day." Geez now turkey day and butter tarts are more important than me

October 11, 2002

Wow I hit 200 page hits. That's pretty amazing but anyways.... To the mysterious John who signed my guesbook...yes I am very lucky. I'm lucky because I have a wonderful guy who walked through the snow to come see me at work. And a guy who'll take me to see the Arrogant Worms concert next Saturday. He's so amazing. I feel really lucky, but so undeserving. Why me? I'm no one special.

But, Arrogant Worms!!! I'm so beyond excited. They are only the most wonderful band in the entire world!! And Eir went to the concert when they were in Calgary and I've heard only wonderful things. I missed them when they came in January

Big sadness! So when I found out that they would be near here on Saturday, I nearly had a heart attack. When I told Justin this, he offered to take me. AWWWW!!! So anyways that is all I have to say for today and I have to go shower before work. Aurevoir!!

October 09, 2002

Which Disney Princess are you?

In other news, learn something new about Jeanne-Marie:

TEN Movies I Can't Live Without
01. Much Ado About Nothing
02. Empire Records
03. Atlantis
04. Road to ElDorado
05. Bugsy Malone
06. My Fair Lady
07. Rent (k it's technically not a movie but I couldn't live without it)
08. Shrek
09. Sister Act
10. Rocky Horror Picture Show

NINE Albums That Are Important to Me
01. Josh Groban
02. Rent
03. Rocky Horror Picture Show
04. Irish Descendants
05. Pachebal's Canon in harmony with the Sea
07. Center Stage
08. Les Miserables
09. Great Big Sea

EIGHT Bands/Artists I Couldn't Live Without
01. Josh Groban
02. The Arrogant Worms
03. Great Big Sea
04. ABBA
05. Alanis Morisette
06. Frank Sinatra (and Nancy)
07. The Beatles
08. Ani DiFranco

SEVEN Things that Annoy Me
01. homophobia
02. racism
03. people who randomly get mad at you for nothing
04. band (including but not limited to Mr.Ralph)
05. mathematics
06. horror movies and other scary type movies
07. dogs... big ones... and little ones

SIX of My Favorite Songs at This Moment
01. Faith Hill - If My Heart had Wings
02. Rent Soundtrack - La Vie Boheme and Will You Light My Candle
03. Goo Goo Dolls - Name
04. Stephen Stills - Love the One You're With
05. The Eagles - New York Minute
06. Yo-Yo Ma - Prelude in G-Minor

FIVE TV Shows I Watch Regularly
01. The West Wing
02. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
03. Friends
04. Will & Grace
05. Scrubs

FOUR of My All-Time-Favorite Books
01. Midnight in the Dollhouse - ?
02. Every book by Tamora Pierce
03. Tigana
04. Tell Me If the Lovers Are Losers, or A Wrinkle in Time, or The Complete Works of William Shakespere, or ... ok it is completely impossible for me to pick only 4 books that are my all-time favourites. I read like a book a week; I read at every second I can and there are TOOOOO many to choose from. So I refuse to choose.

THREE Albums I've Bought Recently:
01. Josh Groban
02. Les Miserables (not so much bought as burned)
03. Rent

TWO People That Have Influenced My Life the Most
01. Haley and Justin
02. my brother

ONE Thing I Could Spend the Rest of my Life With
01. my pointe shoes... or perhaps my friends :)

October 05, 2002

What box do you get put in?
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Which Magical Order Are You In?
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which eye are you?
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What character from 'Sailor Moon' are you?
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What Obscure Animal are you?

What Was Your PastLife?

October 01, 2002

Sorry fellas, the jury is back in and the myth is over. Urologists in the UK have conclusive data dispelling the notion that shoe size and pen!s size are linked.

Because it wasn't feasible to measure the length of the erect pen!s, the researchers measured it when gently stretched. OK, when you call yourself a doctor and you're tugging at random guy's package to "extrapolate erect pen!s length", you know you've made a serious vocational error somewhere along the line. There are doctors and scientists making Nobel Prize-worthy breakthroughs in stem cell research, cancer prevention and acrylamide reduction in processed foods. You're in a little room crouching and giving Nigel a quasi-handj0b.

One of the involved scientists proposes further research. "I have some ideas that I am currently putting together as a research proposal," the researcher added. "There must be some part of the body that is predictive of pen!le length."

Um, yeah, it's called the pen!s. Hello.

And yes, I do know that I have some quirky spellings but can you imagine what kinda searches I would have come up on otherwise??