Sorry fellas, the jury is back in and the myth is over. Urologists in the UK have conclusive data dispelling the notion that shoe size and pen!s size are linked.

Because it wasn't feasible to measure the length of the erect pen!s, the researchers measured it when gently stretched. OK, when you call yourself a doctor and you're tugging at random guy's package to "extrapolate erect pen!s length", you know you've made a serious vocational error somewhere along the line. There are doctors and scientists making Nobel Prize-worthy breakthroughs in stem cell research, cancer prevention and acrylamide reduction in processed foods. You're in a little room crouching and giving Nigel a quasi-handj0b.

One of the involved scientists proposes further research. "I have some ideas that I am currently putting together as a research proposal," the researcher added. "There must be some part of the body that is predictive of pen!le length."

Um, yeah, it's called the pen!s. Hello.

And yes, I do know that I have some quirky spellings but can you imagine what kinda searches I would have come up on otherwise??